The Royal Wedding

I am a sucker for royal weddings. I was ten when Princess Diana was married and remember watching it. I was in the hospital (home now) and stayed up all night to watch the ceremony. Kates dress was so gorgeous and I thought Prince Harry and Prince William looked so handsome in their uniforms. I am sure Diana would be so proud of them. I wish them the best and it was just a wonderful celebration. Now I need sleep lol.

Sick Sick Sick

I showed up at the ER this morning at 7am bawling my eyes out because I was in so much pain due to the coughing and sinus congestion. I had no sleep so they decided after 2 hours or so to admit me and I may have viral pnuemonia again. I want to post a video to cheer me up but they have You Tube blocked. UGH!

You Want Psycho?

So what I dont agree!

I have encountered today sort of a little punch in the face to why I am a Republican. What have the right wingers done for me and I was advised to give my answers. Bullying. I never care who likes whom. If you like Obama, fine. I dont and I dont have to explain why in the hell I dont like him and I never ask others why they still blame Bush after 2 years that Obama has been in office. I do not like to be bullied. I respect others opinions and am glad we have the democratic process but I feel since Obama has been in office, he has divided the country to where this type of bullying has occurred. Like who you want to like, more power to you. Thats what our American rights are. But do NOT come to me telling me why I am who I am. I never ask others and I may be the only Republican in my group of friends, but deal with it. I have respect for those who voted for Obama and that was their choice, but it seems the more and more this administration goes on, the more and more I get called out for being who I am and for who I believe. Thats what freedom of speech is about. But I will never MAKE someone tell me why they voted for Obama. Now I am pissed off and feel violated. And whats funny is that person had their own website about not hating and eraticating hate... I just feel I cant do anything or say anything anymore... now go think about this and see how you are to others with differing opinions.... now a song to cheer me up!

SCREAM!!!!!!!

I am very sick again. It just makes me wanna SCREAM! Dont you feel like just going outside and screaming on the top of your lungs. Well I do. Thats it.

Firework

I love this song and the video... it reminds me of how I feel at times. Today I talked to my smoking counselor and just unloaded about the stress and anxiety I have been feeling. First of all, I am getting sick again and I hope it doesnt land me in the hospital again. Same symptoms. So I already feel like crap. And I feel misplaced. Like where am I supposed to be right now. I am so lost and feel like I have disappointed so many people. I just am angry about a lot of stuff and I need to get rid of it. I am so mad at myself and some others that have disappointed me saying they are my friend but dont act like it. I make mistakes sure, but what about everyone else? Its ridiculous how much I have to say Im sorry... is it the "its not you its me" routine? Or is it a two way road. I think I deserve an apology every now and then. I try so hard to be a good person but I struggle because I know I am not perfect. I pray for forgiveness and that people will forgive me. However that is not the case lately. Anyway, I just feel I need to let go and feel like a firework and let my life shine and continue on the path I am on. I will figure it out sometime. But for now, I am confused. Its ok though, I have some awesome friends that HAVE been there for me giving me the best advice which I have taken under consideration. And they are right. Its time to start over and move on.



Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Katy Perry Firework lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/katy-perry-firework-lyrics.html

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe"


Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

You Are Loved

Its been a hard few months for me, and I need to know I am loved. Yes I actually need to hear the words "You Are Loved" or "I Love You". I guess you can call it an insecurity, but I have been through a lot of heartache my entire life, especially since October and its been a rollercoaster of emotions. I find it comforting to listen and watch this video... by Josh Groban. I want you all to feel what I feel when I watch this video. I literally cry. Its so important, as well, to remember that God loves us unconditionally no matter what crap we do. We just need to face the fact that we are not perfect, we need to act humble, we need to ask for forgiveness to God to wash that guilt away. You are loved my friend.


Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy
I...I will lift it for you

Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I...I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I...I will be there to find you

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I...I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

You are loved
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Every one needs to be heard
You are loved

(copy and paste url link in brower... embedded is disabled by user)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGLSk3AVcUU&playnext=1&list=PL48215BE41D20B9DC


And to add one more video that lifts me up and gives me tears...

Healing Rain - Michael W Smith


Healing rain is coming down
It's coming nearer to this old town
Rich and poor, weak and strong
It's bringing mercy, it won't be long

Healing rain is coming down
It's coming closer to the lost and found
Tears of joy, and tears of shame
Are washed forever in Jesus' name

Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain

Lift your heads, let us return
To the mercy seat where time began
And in your eyes, I see the pain
Come soak this dry heart with healing rain

And only You, the Son of man
Can take a leper and let him stand
So lift your hands, they can be held
By someone greater, the great I Am

Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain

To be washed in Heaven's rain...

Healing rain is falling down
Healing rain is falling down
I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid...

He Is Risen!

Today is an amazing day! Jesus rose from the dead and became our Lord. It was an amazing church service. The kids, including little Ben, rang their bells to some music. Had an incredible childrens sermon describing the past 3 days that Jesus had to entail. The kids were so into it and American does a great job on how they presented this so they understand this miracle. We had awesome music of praises, including the below video. This song had me in tears. I rose my arms and just sang because we are so lucky to have Jesus in our life. He forgives us when we are bad and confess our sins, he loves unconditionally, he is compassionate and knows what we are going through. He knows our thoughts, our fears, our happiness and dries our tears. I love Jesus and even though I am a Christian I may not act like it, today I released that guilt and know that Jesus loves me and He is teaching me to do the same to others. Praise the Lord.

Spewage

Today the sun finally came out. Its been weeks and I think thats why my anger issues are spewing out. Im sure, if you read this, I totally crapped out on a friend the other day. Well they told me they didnt want to be my friend anymore for private reasons. It really made me mad because I sincerely loved this friendship even though there were ups and downs. Today I talked to a friend and we talked about this friendship and all the fun stuff we did together and the funny things that happened and it made me miss my friend. Im not sure if they will read this, but I had no excuse to be on a rampage. I mean they did it to me as well but to me its still no excuse to treat someone badly. I am not that kind of a person. I dont want to be that kind of a person. I empathize with their issues and the crapola they have been through this past month. I guess I just dont know what to do. I mean I suffer from depression I should know what to do. I just am at a lost and I hope someday we can be friends again. I miss them greatly.

To You From Me - Nothing Compares To You

It's been seven hours and fifteen days
Since you took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since you took your love away
Since you been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing
I said nothing can take away these blues
`Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you

It's been so lonely without you here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me baby where did I go wrong
I could put my arms around every boy I see
But they'd only remind me of you
I went to the doctor n'guess what he told me
Guess what he told me
He said girl u better try to have fun
No matter what you'll do
But he's a fool
`Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you

All the flowers that you planted, mama
In the back yard
All died when you went away
I know that living with you baby was sometimes hard
But I'm willing to give it another try
Nothing compares
Nothing compares to you
Nothing compares
Nothing compares to you
Nothing compares
Nothing compares to you

My Purpose

Since my accident in 2006, I still wonder why God saved me and why I am here. I mean I can't handle a job, I get stressed really easily, I get stressed really easily for others... I am a blob on this earth for what reason? I do not know. But I know you will think this is totally stupid but I watched a Family Guy episode where Brian, who is a dog that is liberal and can talk, was visiting his security box at the bank and was locked in by accident with the family baby Stewie, who is a genius. In his box, he had a gun and a bottle of scotch and Stewie asks him why he had a gun because hes always spewing stuff about the liberal agenda on guns and so on... and he just told him in a soft voice "I have it just in case I want to kill myself okay?" And he asks Stewie if he was going to say anything and he said "Well I dont know quite what to say except its selfish!" And that is probably the first thing people think when someone tries to kill themselves or actually succeed. When you get to that point you will understand why you dont think it is. Anyway, Stewie finally said "YOU give me purpose..." And maybe thats what my purpose is. To be a piece of the puzzle in others lives. I dont know if to give them purpose but maybe thats what they meant. It really made me think of the behavior I had the other night. I was insanely mad and just took off and the mouth went and I pushed someone over the edge. I still feel bad about it but I just am not sure what to do about it anymore. I definitely did not show my purpose to my friend that night. I just showed how easy it is to hurt someone that is already hurting. Theres so much more to the story that does not need to be spoken about but my purpose also should be to ask like Jesus would. And I had an epic fail.

Vomiting

Last night I vomited about a friend publically on Facebook and then through texting. It wasnt pretty. What was wrong with me other than all I can figure out is that I was so so angry I couldnt hold back anymore. This is how I used to be years ago. Today I saw my shrink and told him I didnt like the way I became. I was harsh. I was ruthless. I was rude. I was thoughtless. I was MAD! I still am. But I am vomiting right now my apologies to those who had to read that crapola. I have no excuse but this person has been a significant item in my crazy life and all of a sudden they dont want a relationship. Theres more to it, but it made me angry. I just want to apologize and hope ya'll forgive me.